Sharing a van to Legazpi City meant we only had to pay 300 pisos each, which was steep in its own right but what can you do. When we arrived at Legazpi City we had the driver take us to an ATM where we were able to get some money finally and found an internet café closeby which we used to try and find some accommodation for the night. In the middle of our session, about 30 minutes later the driver from the van enters into the establishment and said we owed him 400 pisos or something. I told him we had already paid the other guy that paid him and he left, but his van stayed parked outside for another 20 minutes ago. Kinda freaky that guy was.

Not really finding much online we went to outside and asked a random Polish person who knew nothing and then got into a tricycle and told them to take us to a hotel, they took us to Alicia’s Hotel easily the best place we had stayed at yet. It was a bit pricey but we got a great room with all the works, breakfast the next morning and well everything was nice. The bed was amazingly awesome. I’ll always judge a hotel by its bed and they got top marks. ^^ Anywho, content with our accommodations and a lot of time left to spare we headed out for some exploring.

The best place we had stayed at yet!

We decided to walk so we could take our own time and see what we wanted to see. The people of the Philippines did not like this. As it turns out, if you are a foreigner you are expected to use a tricycle to go anywhere and if you don’t you’re a bloody idiot.. apparently. We tried walking down the street but before we got far we had tricycles slowing down as they stared plainly at us. Ange thought it was all her being pretty and whatnot but clearly it was because we, so called rich foreigners were walking and not paying someone to ride us somewhere. We literally had to wave of half a dozen people that wanted to pick us up.

On a quest for ice cream.

Getting into the middle of the ‘city’ and finding an ice cream we had decided we wanted to got to a place called ‘Max’s because we saw an excellent picture of an ice cream dessert. Asking the attendants at the place where we bought our ice cream, they told us we had to go to Pacific Mall and they put us onto a Jeepney that would take us there, they even waited the 5 minutes looking for it passing on the road. Arriving at Pacific Mall we did some shopping and ate some food, funnily enough not at Maxs and I found an old friend of mine!

Feeling the love Ronald! feeling the love.

We bought Taidye Pants too before finding the need to go home as it was getting late. Haggling a little with the tricycle people we got a ride home for 40 piso but one the way we were astounded to see a beautiful volcano staring at us. Unknown to us, our hotel was right next to the glorious Mayon volcano! Turns out that this bad boy had some lava streaming down its sides 6 months previously and that it was also once considered for being named one of the 7 New Wonders of Nature. Despite all of this we had just noticed the thing although we knew it was in the area, and it really did look something. There was a constant stream of smoke rising from the peak of the volcano and that seems to be the norm for that perfectly cone shaped peak!

Appearing from no where was this volcano.

Anywho, after snapping some shots of the volcano we eventually went back inside and before we knew it, it was 5:30 in the morning! Yaaay, had to be ready for our 8am flight. Calling the hotel restaurant we had them make us some breakfast for 6am while we showered and packed our luggage up for the final time. Once we arrived at the airport the volcano, once again was obscured by a thick coating of fog. Checking in and waiting for our plane we found the French guys that had taught us some drinking games back in Donsol a few nights earlier, they were sober now and not as fun seeing it was so early in the morning.

Back to Manila we flew! Landing in one of Ninoy Aquino International Airport (NAIA) – turns out that we needed to be at Terminal 2 and the Terminals are actually really far from one another so we took a shuttle bus! Arriving at Terminal 2 we were able to check in our luggage some 5 hours or so before our flight because we had nothing else to do! To make a note about these airports, I’m not sure about other countries but where I come from airports are awesome places where there are many restaurants and places to shop. Terminal 2 NAIA had only a handful of shops none of which could be considered fast food, that’s right I didn’t see ONE McDonalds in the place! A shame really, but we made do with our iPods, laptops and random food until we boarded our flight; Manila to Osaka by Philippines Airlines.

Flying high.

This being our last flight, I think it’s right that I talk a little bit about electronic equipment of aeroplanes. Ange seems to be under the misguided idea that if you have a CAMERA and you turn it on you’re going to crash the plane and kill everyone on board. I tried telling her that the camera doesn’t exactly emit a wireless signal that could interfere with the on board equipment and that in fact a lot of electronic devices that do have wireless emit on a frequency that doesn’t disturb the aeroplane’s equipment. But alas, she made me turn it off anyway! Bloody tyrant. But I succeeded at making her feel stupid when I made her believe that the lights above our heads were voice activated and that they would turn on and off if you talked, she went quite red in the face when I couldn’t hold back from laughing and informed her that I was pressing her armchair button. Some subpar aeroplane food and a movie later we arrived in Japan, at Kansai International Airport.

We were home at last.

Checking in process at the domestic airport in Manila was simple enough and we had plenty of time til our flight so we sat down with some brownies and started to read once again! We were having such a  great time that we didn’t notice that our flight had boarded already, it wasn’t until we checked the board and saw FINAL CALL on the television set that we knew we had kinda fooked up a little bit. Running to the desk we made the check in and handed them our boarding passes and went out onto the strip to get onto our plane. We were flying with Zest Air this time round and they were actually pretty cool, we got free water off them in the terminal for flying with them and they had “The more refreshing airline in Asia” as their slogan.

You can tell Ange is happy with Zest Air.

So we arrived in Legazpi and met some Israelis that were headed to Donsol as well, so naturally we shared a van for the 45 minute van ride. During this ride, I can safely say I’ve been witness to some of the most craziest driving ever. I can remember driving at excessive speeds in this van, going blindly around a corner on the wrong side of the road while trying to pass a truck that was going almost as fast. It was during this point the Israelis turned around to us and asked if we were praying and you can bet your mum’s kettle that if I thought it made a difference I would have been, the driving was that horrific. I was almost certain of my death.

The van we almost died in!

Finally, we make it to the Tourist Centre in Donsol in one piece, somehow and we sign up for what we came for. Swimming with the Whale Sharks! We secured a boat (with the Isaelis) and paid some registration fee and watched an educational mandatory video about what will happen and some history behind the whole affair which was basic stuff we already knew. Seriously, if you know about Donsol you know about what to do and what not to do but I digress. Asking the people in the Tourist Centre for recommendations on where to stay they told us to go to place called Shoreline Beach Resort which was a great place! Right on the beach, 5 minute walk from the Tourist Centre and really cheap and excellent rooms with hot water and the best little restaurant you can imagine (for the area). We loved the place and two nights we spent there.

Shoreline Beach Resort

That night we found yet another bar on the beach and ate some delicious food and talked the night away while drinking a few drinks. Knowing we had to be on a boat at 6:30 in the morning we packed it in early around 10. The next morning, we got up around 6:15 and basically dressed ourselves and walked over to the Tourist Centre to meet with our BIO and the rest of our group. By 7 we were equipped with all our gear, on the boat and in the middle of the bay looking for whale sharks. The weather was a bit shabby and there wasn’t much light at that point during the morning but that didn’t stop our spotter from finding a whale shark! Quick as rain everyone jumped into the water and followed the BIO to the whale shark, it lasted all of 30 seconds and I didn’t even see a thing!

Looking out for whale sharks!

Ange was wided eyed and gleeful with the fact that she just swam with a whale shark. I guess I could say the same thing after all I DID swim with a whale shark, I just didn’t see it! I was told it was a small whale shark, about 5 meters long and that I would see much bigger during the next 2 and a half hours. 30 minutes went by without a sighting on our part although we saw some other boats engaging a whale shark and because of the strict rules regarding swimming with the whale shark, we weren’t allowed to swim with it at the same time so we kept on looking. Eventually, we found another whale shark and it was humongous! I saw an actual whale shark and it was amazing! It was even a tad bit scary seeing as it came out of the murky water and headed straight for me and Ange! We swam beside this one for a few minutes before it descended into the depths a little too far beyond our sight before we scrambled back into the boat to find more.

My "I've seen a whale shark" face. ^^

Fortunately the weather had vastly improved and we saw whale shark after whale shark for the rest of the morning, in total we saw about 6 whale sharks with two of them being really really big. Being satisfied with the entire experience we returned to shore with a certain smugness about us and made it back to our room. Realizing it was still really early in the morning we lounged around for a bit before contemplating what to do, it was around now that we decided we needed more money and after consulting the manager of the resort (some fat old lady) we concluded that we needed to go to Pilar.

How we got there is the fun bit though! First off, we took a tricycle into the centre of Donsol and jumped onto a Jeepney. A Jeepney!! Since seeing them for the first time in Manila on our first day, I had always wanted to ride in one and this was my chance. The 15 minute journey to Pilar was pretty ordinary except for the fact that we were sitting in an awesome looking Jeepney, we arrived there and paid 15 pisos each (30 cents).  The entire point of being in Pilar was so we could withdraw some money from an ATM because it makes sense that the only ATM in an hour’s distance was 15 minutes away. Well, guess what! It didn’t work and we were short on cash yaaaayyyy, luckily we found some money stashed in Ange’s diary that we had forgotten about so we were good until we got to Legazpi City.

Annnyway it was the ride back to Donsol that was full of life, death and epicness. We rode on TOP of the Jeepney! It was awesome lol, imagine flying around corners and going through a jungle on top of a car except that car was a Jeepney and it was pimped out better than that black dude from Pimp My Ride. We rode on top as the Jeepney was full and no one said no so we just held on tight and off we went. It was so fun I felt as if I should give the guy more than 30 cents because it was just like some wondrous theme park ride. Back in Donsol we revelled in the fact that we were still alive and wondered what we should do next, taking our finances into consideration it was decided that Fire flies were the way to go.

Ready for firefly action.

Donsol is home to an environment that is accommodating of Fireflies that apparently only exists in two other places in Asia so we had to go and check it out. Before long we were in a really dodgy boat if you could call it a boat and were drifting out into the middle of the night and sure enough we saw Fireflies! It was pretty cool, don’t know how else to describe it, they flew and were constantly lit up. They reminded me of Christmas tree lights the way they blinked and moved. It was absolutely brilliant in a way but that ended eventually and we were up the next morning to pack ourselves into a van with two other people.

Day Seven of our Philippines trip and we wanted to do more activities, and after Ange ruling out riding motorbikes that we didn’t know how to ride we decided on sailing around the island. Easily enough, we found a guy that was willing to sell us the service and even though his initial price was 1500 pisos for one hour we managed 1500 pisos for three hours and I’m still betting we got ripped off. Regardless, we dumped out stuff off at our place and went to Boat Station 3 once again to find our guy and jump on our boat. Sailing was wonderful on this side of the island, we cruised along and saw everything around us and could even see below into the depths of the water, it was sooo clear.

Smooth sailing ahead!! or not.

Eventually, the water started getting rougher. Turns out that on the other side of the island, the north especially the water is really rough this time round during the year, we held firm to wanting to go AROUND the island and so we did. Because we were sailing we had to zig zag our way to get absolutely anywhere and it was around this time, because of the zig sagging or the rockyness of the tiny little boat we were on that Ange announced her sea sickness that has only affected her twice in her entire life now. Great! But we went on anyway, we were going to do this and it was far too late to turn back now. Mwahahah.

I myself started getting a tiny little bit worried when I noticed we had to zig zag out in the middle of the friggen ocean to get around the top head of the island, I became even more worried when I saw the guy with a measuring cap throwing little pales of water out of the insides of the boat. Yay, every time I look at the island now I’m wondering how long it’ll take to swim back and if there are any sharks in the water nearby AND how I was supposed to drag to shore the little heap of a person clinging to the side of the ‘boat’ in a sickness frenzy. Despite all this thinking while, did I mention getting battered by massive waves that actually managed to put sea water in my mouth more than once and in my eyes at least a two dozen times, were we able to get around the head and eventually to the other side of the island.

Relief hit us when the waters became calmer and we actually made it back to shore, Ange literally tried hugging the sand and our captain fellow asked if she was alright.

I ate half a chicken!

Of course I answered in the affirmative and got a picture of myself with our little sea hardy vessel. Ahhh what a day, I thought to myself. It was amazing fun even though completely terrifying for her, now taking some snapshots of a clearly sandy Ange we decided to seek refuge in our little room and have a shower, of course we had to seeing as someone was COMPLETELY head to toe covered in the stuff. Uhhh, and all I remember of that night was beer and food for dinner.

The next morning was one to remember, seeing a certain shop while in D’mall earlier in the week made us want to return to enter said shop and eat the window display items. The shop I speak of was a sorbet ice cream parlour of sorts I think, regardless of which we entered and sat down and ordered the mammoth of a ice cream sorbet thingy! It was called the Family Ice and was meant for a family of 5 to 6. Let’s just say we started that bad boy and we finished all the good bits, all the bits you’d want to put into your belly.

It was called a Family Ice and we dominated it.

Feeling a little bit gross afterwards, we knew that we had to leave Boracay Island today so we headed back to get our place and packed up our remains and headed off trying to figure out how exactly to get off the island. Somehow, we found a guy on a bike that took us to another guy on a motor bike that took us to where the boats that would ferry us across to Caticlan were.

When we arrived however, these two guys took our luggage immediately and walked us through the steps where we paid certain environmental fees and terminal fees and then a van fee that would take us back to Kalibo. By the time we sat down on the boat, after them carrying our luggage they asked for a tip! Ahh tip tip, they asked for more than we had in short change so we just gave them the short change that we had and that seemed like enough. What could they do? They just took our stuff! They were lucky we paid them at all.

Flying through the inner parts of the island on a tricycle.

Tsk tsk!! Arriving at Kalibo International Airport (if you can call it that) we sat down in what I think was the seating area to read for a bit, deciding to head in early we checked in and were told we could take an earlier flight so off we went, we arrived in Manila with good time even though our plan was to stay the night in the airport. WELL! APPARENTLY, the airport closes at 3am and opens at 6am so we COULDN’T sleep there, and not really wanting to sleep on the streets in MANILA (can be such a scary place) we were forced to stay the night in a airport hotel at a pricey rate, oh well the bed was pretty decent and we had hot water. We ordered room service before heading to bed with the aim to get up early the next morning to catch our 10am flight.

Feeling somewhat relieved from the food sickness we incurred the day previous, we decided to actually make the most of our time on an exotic island in the Philippines. I didn’t mention that on the second day we were on Boracay Island we signed up for a day tour of surrounding reefs, islands and other points of interest on Boracay. The problem was that we were sick the next day when we were due to go out, so one of my ventures (one of three) that day was to inform the tour guides that we would be joining them the day after, which I did. And so, on that beautiful day we got up at an reasonable hour and decided on a hearty breakfast that would see us through the day! On the way to Boat Station 3 after breakfast we knew what we had to do, we bought touristy wide brimmed hats and they were glorious.. so very very epicly glorious.

Sunnies and a nice straw hat to boot!

Then we were on the boat, if you can call it that and on our way to our first point place thing location, Crystal Cove Island, where we went through a few caves and caverns and whatnot. I’ll say it was cool because it simply was. No further explanation necessary.

Next stop was food, on the other side of Boracay Island. The tour guides had organized a variant of a BBQ buffet which was awesome because they had stack seafoods and kebabs and all sorts of random weird looking foods.  After that we went off near Crocodile Island where we did some snorkeling, but wait wait wait that wasn’t the first instance of snorkeling. Our first stop was actually an area of water that happened to have some coral reefs deep below the water, we swam around there for a lil bit before going to Crystal Cove. But carrying on, the best without a doubt snorkeling experience we had at Boracay was the spot near Crocodile Island (the island kinda looks like a crocodile from the side) – they gave us bits of bread for the fish and we were so close to the bottom of the reef that we were constantly surrounded by fishies! Me and Ange stayed in the water the entire time swimming with the fishies and eventually we were the only ones that were left in the water. Loved it!

Snorkeling with the fishies!

After that fishy related experience we went ALL the way around the island to an abandoned beach on the northern part of Boracay and while the tour group checked out what looked to be a hole in the ground, myself and Ange bought a KitKat ice cream (you read correctly) each and sat down next to the face of a cliff to get a little reading in. After which, we eventually returned back to Boat Station 3 quiet satisfied with ourselves.

Dinner was German food which Ange excitedly ordered.

I wish I made sandcastles for a living.

Ok, next day. Next day waaaasss.. I don’t think we did anything significant on that day, as I recall we had to move out of our hut and into another place that was a little bit closer to the beach.  During the afternoon we bought a massive tub of ice cream and ate it while watching the sun set and reading our books again before eating German food AGAIN. That night, we walked along the beach until we found some fire dancing, I guess to me fire dancing is random dancing with fire sticks which I can say I’ve now seen. Eventually, we hit up a bar on the beach and got a drink and played some pool while laughing at the pathetic karaoke attempts from some of the foreigners. The Philippines won’t be challenging Japan anytime soon on the karaoke front. ^^ On the return to our accommodation we came across this awesomely detailed sand castle illuminated by light – we were able to get our names written in it and get some photos. Epicness caught on camera.

So from Kalibo airport, quite efficiently we were scoped into a van and taken to Caticlan where we paid certain environmental and terminal fees before boarding some sort of craft that could float that was supposed to take us across the night to Boracay. Well it did, somehow, despite all uncertainties we made it there around 8 o’clockish. After getting dropped off somewhere quite randomly and asking for directions we made it to our hut owned by Ocean Breeze Inn. The hut was a hut and I loved every bit of it except for the rickety bed – even the cold showers became loved after a few days, exhilarating mornings I tell you! To dare to step into cold water of a morning is the measure of a truly courageous man if you ask me. To actually do it like we did is another thing entirely. Unheard of.

Ange found a goat and decided to point at it.

So the next morning after our arrival we decided to check out White beach. The beach itself is amazing, the water is crystal clear and the atmosphere is ideal. Knowing that we needed beach towels before any swimming or sun baking could be done we headed off to D’mall. On the way, we discovered a less talked about side to Boracay. Of course to be expected while Boracay Island is such a touristy location with an international reputation that there would be people that would be wanting to sell their goods and services. It’s just unfortunate that the amount of people trying to do such a thing are so many! It turned out that D’mall was about a 30 minute walk along White beach and we were asked so many times if we wanted to do so many things.

A scenic scene!

“Snorkeling sir? Maybe you like to do island hopping or ATV?”

It’s great that it’s just there, but when you’re asked every minute it becomes irritating. We both wore sunglasses and had a guy with a stack of them walk right up to us and ask if we wanted to buy some. Show them any attention or decency when replying in the negative or at all results in them talking more and walking at a near pace beside you, we found out that if you want to be ignored by these fellows you have to be going quite fast with a grim look on your face.

So we arrived at D’mall, haggled for our towels, sun screen and some other supplies and then ate some awesome lunch and then FINALLY hit the beach. Hours later we returned to our little hut all red and sunburnt! Well that was fun, what now we asked ourselves? Book reading time! Yaaay. We actually spent a lot of time reading our books in our hut, on the beach and in restaurants, it was quite relaxing!

Sun beds and sand.

Anywho! After went to the beach to start that horrible process of burning our skin so it looks slightly darker! (what a mistake that turned out to be), we ended up eating dinner somewhere fancy. It was fancy. The next morning we were both ill with some suspected food poisoning! It must have been the eggs at the place we ate at the morning before, ahhh but oh well. We can just stay in our hut and read away! Wroong! We’re sunburnt and need aloe vera repeats Ange for the 10^th time, so being the man I am, I went out in the harsh heat with sickness welling within to pick up general supplies that included burnt skin relieving liquid.

Pizza in bed was the food of choice that night. ;D

The day started out in Japan funnily enough (not really, I mean we did start out in Osaka but it wasn’t really –that– funny) and we sent ourselves packing off to the airport limousine bus service located down in central Hirakata. Before long we ended up at the airport and went for a bit of Starbucks (I didn’t buy anything ;P) or rather Angie did, being a bit jealous I went off in search of food and found a crepe and a hotdog at reasonable airport prices, who won that little battle? me!

Umm then we decided it would be best if we got into place ready for our flight, we lined up like normal people, got our boarding passes and proceeded towards security, that’s when it all went wrong! We didn’t put our little bits and pieces (by bits and pieces I mean, toothpaste, contact lense liquid and make up etc) into a see through plastic bag as so many signs started indicating! Oh by the lord what ever shall we do Angie exclaimed! Or to something to that extent, needless to say she seemed to think we had to follow some sort of protocol.. being the security protocol or some such. Now me, with my wealth of international airport experience (one flight. ;D) I decided it would be much better if we just went through.

Boarding pass and passport on the ready!

We did, nothing extra extraordinary happened. We waited for our flight, caught it and we were off to the Philippines! During the flight we took a few photos of islands we were passing and whatnot, it was kinda fun seeing little islands we would never visited, a one thing we noted was that the terrain was vastly different (very flat in areas) and seemed to have random fires throughout.

We landed and got our paperwork underway so we could be free of the airport, now I know this isn’t important but Ange lent me a really shit pen and it stained my hands! It took around 3 days to be rid of those stains! Grrr, and then to make matters worse we somehow found ourselves in a special line for taxis, the hey lets rip you off taxi line. Being our first experience with this line we went for it, just intent on getting to our hotel in one piece. One of the different things coming from the lets rip you off taxi line is that they put you in really posh type taxis that aren’t really marked to well to be taxis, just really posh car. The result? A little kid coming up to our car and peering in. He looked a little like this.

A boy on the street looking into the tinted windows of our flash car.

Continuing on, we found our hotel which was nice and quaint and immediately jumped back out and headed down to the fourth largest mall of Asia! SE Mall of Asia or some such. We got there, via Johnny.

Johnny was our taxi driver, he asked us how much we were going to pay him we said 100 pisos, he said okay and that was that. Before I knew it I was giving him the 100 so he could fuel up a little, right after that his car stalled in the middle of the street leaving us like sitting ducks, we reveled in the moment. Quick as a queasy fat guy to the restroom the engine roared into existence and we were on our way, not of course after receiving abuse from every motorist on the road and a grin from Johnny.

Johnny's car needs a lil work though!

Upon arriving to this mall we noted yet another few things in our mental notebooks. The security guards had guns, big guns, shotguns. It was really kinda cool and I wanted to get loads of pictures of them, I didn’t (they had big guns! Shotguns!) – but I did of an armored car! Anyhow, this place had loads of stuff and we set about going shopping and whatnot. Soon I became bored and we somehow ended at a hair salon for Ange to redo her hair the way she wanted, they said it’d take 2 hours. What was I supposed to do for two hours? Oh but of course!

I had my CHEST WAXED, yes the entire thing and no it wasn’t that painful at all. There are two parts of the procedure that I’ll say sucked, the highest point on your chest where your neck starts going upwards and all that stuff below your belly button. But being the man that I am! (who got waxed, it’s okay guys.) I took it like a man and now, right now, I have a pristine pale white chest that I am trying to tan a little.

Pretty new shiny hair!

So Angie completed her thing, we did some shopping got some food and headed back home. The next morning we woke with renewed vigour and wanted to do some shopping in areas that were more, or rather less touristy and pricey. So we went to god knows where, (Angie knew the place but she’s not god) and the ride there in itself was such an experience. We passed what I can only describe as poverty, people that have sunk to some of the lowest strungs of existence that could surely exist. And not of their own accord, their own doing or faults but because what they were born into. It was saddening and enlightening at the same time.

Theeen we went shopping and I bought a cool backpackers backpack like the one we borrowed from Sara and some sunnies! I’ve never owned a pair of shades so I think for me, a big step and should be blogged! After said shopping we left that district through crazy traffic and jumped on a plane down to Kalibo Airport where we headed to Boracay Island.

Stuck in traffic with a photo opportunity.

Quick note on Manila traffic and road rules in general in the Philippines, non existent! We saw cars literally intersectioning with no direction from people or lights, it was absolutely crazy. We saw two accidents in the short time we were commuting around the city!

So I’m lying naked in bed, all exposed and whatnot and I can’t help but think about my upcoming trip to the Philippines with my girlfriend Angie. She’s always wanted to swim with Whale Sharks and I must admit the idea in it self sounds fantastical so that’s one of the things we intend to tick off the list while we’re there.

So, you know me, I like to run little scenarios through my head all the time and whatnot. I envisioned an awesome one night in Manila, going shopping at the fourth largest mall in the world, Mall Asia. It’s there we’d pick up some straw hats and cool looking sun glasses that’d go well with my fat head. Angie would get looooads of sexy bikinis too.

Then! eventually, we’d head out to Boracay Island for our 4 night stay. Whilst here, we tan up and read books all day while listening to our favourite tunes and taking in the scenery. When our eyes can’t take any words, we’d head out for snorkeling and horse rides along the beach or some island hopping. It’s when we finally head over to Donsol, the whale shark capital of the world that all goes astray!

Boracay Island is about 60 km’s east of Donsol in my rough estimate, so we’ll take a boat.. no no, a ferry across the stretch. Little did we know that a tsunami hits us and topples and sinks the boat entirely! then we find ourselves 10kms from shore. Now, 10kms isn’t really that big of a swim in my head right now, so we’re not worried about that. What worries us (Angie and especially me) is that our tanned bodies make us look like penguins! and that there are sharks in the water.

Sharks are bad.

So, without further ado I present to you my instructions on how to survive an imminent shark attack.

Step One: Locate the shark that will be imminently attacking you. If you cannot do this, you’ll probably die.

Step Two: Once the shark is located, quickly engage in a staring contest, if you should win this contest there be no need for step three and subsequent steps.

Step Three: The shark decides to attack because you haven’t shamed it by winning a staring contest (against a shark without eyelids it’s kinda hard) – when the shark comes near, prepare yourself for a mid water roll.

Step Four: The shark is within 5 paces from you (paces? lol) – commence the water roll and put a hand on both the top part of their mouth and the bottom part. Stopping the shark in it’s tracks and making it impossible for it to put you in it’s tummy.

Step Five: The shark thrashing, this may be the hardest part but if you’re this prepared you should manage. You must hold on to the top and bottom part of the shark’s mouth as to prevent it from being able to bite you. Staying away from the sharp bits inside is key.

Step Six: Shark retreats, you’ve won. Keep an eye out for that particular shark again as it know nows your imminent shark attack surviving tactics. Kill it if necessary.

Theeen we swum to Donsol and did our thing and that’s pretty much when I decided I should make others aware of this genius tactic.